Thursday, July 27, 2006
What do you do when you just fail?
It's a serious question. Now, I'm not talking about not finishing first in a race or not passing some sort of test, that you thought you had aced. No, I'm talking about something that should have been easy. Something, that maybe if you had better luck with timing, maybe you would have achieved that goal.
No it's not the end of the world. I'm still here. It's not like nothing was completely lost... It's just...
I'll never know what I could have gained.
I've been told by those in the know, that I should be on a mental vacation. I should just stop this insessant planning which has been causing whirlpools of never-ending thoughts in my brain. Those ones that don't just keep you up for one night, they keep you up for months. Years.
You know the cause of the obsession. The obsession itself changed. It was one thing, which morphed into another, which grew into a third. At the end I don't know how many there are offhand. If I wanted to take the time and count them all up... I think I could.But I'm on vacation. The root of the obsession(s) will be dealt with. I guess. At some point. Later.
So what do you do if you fail and you don't know how to go on a mental vacation? What if you not only don't know where to purchase the tickets for the cruise, but you don't even know how to wrap your mind around the concept?
There are so many things to be dealt with. So many other things. Things that have dripped off the laundry list, on to the shopping list and are quickly flooding the to do list. So many things piling onto other things. So many things you can't even stop to wonder what those "other" people do. You know who they are. You saw them in a magazine that you flipped through and then tossed into a pile. You're just too busy to read it because you need to think about all of those things. Sometimes you just get tired thinking of those things. Those million, billion little things.
I went to a marketing meeting today. I realized, that I have no ability to schmooze. It's not a tallent I've ever really wanted to acquire. I run in the opposite direction of networking. I refuse to have a business card, that has a standard font from Microsoft Word. I refuse to have a busines card, that I didn't create in a fit of boredom to pass the time. I refuse to have a business card to hand to someone so they can remember who I am. I refuse to have a business card, that condenses my life and career in two...
Raminta Raminta Raminta
Marketing director Sheet Metal Technical Specialist
Raminta Raminta Raminta
Project Manager Artistic Director Executive Assistant
Right now I should be crossing of things on my many lists to make room for more things. These things never seem to be satistified with being cornered into a situation where they can just be eliminated. They breed and create havoc within their thing population. There is no way to control the population humanely or inhumanely. So as these things, these many things, that are never satisfied with being crossed off and set aside, they grow and grow.
Taking a mental vacation just becomes another thing to be added to the list of things. Things to be done, to be bought, to be crossed off.
Posted at 10:08 pm by raminta
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Ah the land of the midnight sun
Posted at 09:51 am by raminta
Friday, May 05, 2006
I had such a hard time falling asleep
I kept thinking about my friend Dalia. I just couldn't get her out of my head. Over and over all of these images, memories, her voice... kept floating around in my head... swimming so fast, that I couldn't rest.
Dalia was brutally murdered in her apartment on the 5th of March, 2002. Stabbed multiple times and no motive was ever given by the killer.
Dalia was beautiful and kind. Intelligent and giving. She became my best friend...
but when I left her... I never wrote. I never called. I had just figured, we'd meet up some day. We'd sit like we did at the Pienu Baras (milk bar), looking out into the street. Or she'd take me to her favorite spot again in Vilnius, overlooking the river. We'd listen to Tom Waits and she'd talk about her old boyfriend, the actor.
Maybe she'd finally explain what she saw in her husband. A man I had completely detested. I don't know if he made her happy. I'm sure he did. I'll never know now.
I don't know where her grave is. Or in which town exactly she is burried in. I don't know if her mother is still living.
I miss her rationality. I miss her wit.
Now she'll never know how much she shaped my journey into womanhood. She'll never know what a huge part she played in my lonely life over there.
Well I broke down in E. St. Louis
On the Kansas City line
and I drunk up all my money
that I borrowed every time
and I fell down at the derby
and now the night's black as a crow
It was a train that took me away from here
but a train can't bring me home
What made my dreams so hollow
was standing at the depot
with a steeple full of swallows
that could never ring the bell
and I come ten thousand miles away
with not one thing to show
well it was a train that took me away from here
but a train can't bring me home
I remember when I left
without bothering to pack
you know I up and left with
just the clothes I had on my back
now I'm sorry for what I've done
and I'm out here on my own
well it was a train that took me away from
here but a train can't bring me home
Posted at 10:53 am by raminta
Thursday, April 20, 2006
What is the most unprofessional thing that has been ever said to you?
I've had many occurances... However today is definately in the top ten...
I answer the phones for my company... Here is the choice conversation:
Caller: May I speak with your IT director?
ME: We don't have one may I ask what this is about?
C: IT Procurement are you the IT Manager?
M: No, what exactly is this about?
C: IT Procurement.
M: Ok, but what about IT Procurement? Is this a sales call or a survey?
C: Do you even know what IT Procurement is?
M: Yes, but you haven't answered my question. What exactly is this about?
C: IT Procurement. You don't know what it is do you.
M: Yes actually I do, but since you won't tell me what it is EXACTLY you wish to discuss regarding IT Procurement, I ask that you please take our company off of your calling list.
C: Cunt! *click*
Well... I *69ed the company and spoke to one woman. Gave her the exact details of the conversation. She put me through to the secretary of the VP and I told her what happened. Then she put me through to the VP and I told her what happened and she stated that she was going to take this to the President. So the VP took my information and just now I got a call from the president. The president of the company told me that she wanted to hear from me exactly what happened because they discovered who this person was that made the call and he was on her "team." So I told her again exactly what happened and stated that for me, her phone call was enough for me. She was highly apologetic and I believed her sincerity.
I think this totally tops the time I went for an interview for a welding job and was told that the only job available was a secretarial position and was asked if I had a boyfriend...
You few folks that still read this barely updated blog ever have anything similar happen? I know that I've been called tons of names on the phone before, but this was the only time where they caught me at a moment where I was pissed off enough to *69 them. *69 is your friend.
Posted at 04:17 pm by raminta
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Deepa Mehta (born 1950 in Amritsar, India) is an Indian born Canadian film director and screenwriter, based in Toronto.
She graduated from the University of Delhi with a degree in philosophy before emigrating to Canada in 1973.
She embarked on her film career as a screenwriter for children's films. In 1991 she made her feature-film directorial debut with Sam & Me (starring Om Puri), a story of the relationship between a young Muslim boy and an elderly Jewish gentleman in the Toronto neighbourhood of Parkdale. It won First Honorable Mention in the Camera d'Or category of the 1991 Cannes Film Festival. Mehta followed up with Camilla starring Bridget Fonda and Jessica Tandy in 1994.
She is best known for her elements trilogy, all of which were filmed in India. Fire (1996) was set in contemporary India. It was a controversial film due to its explorations of gender, marriage, and sexuality.
Earth (1998) (released in India as 1947: Earth) tells the story of the partition of India in 1947 from the vantage point of a young Parsi girl and is based on the novel Cracking India by author Bapsi Sidhwa.
The final film in the trilogy, Water (2005) was released in the fall of 2005. Bapsi Sidhwa has been asked to write a book based on Mehta's film script. It is set in the 1930s and focuses upon the lives of a group of widows.
Deepa Mehta is currently working on her next project, Kamagata Maru which stars Amitabh Bachchan and John Abraham. The movie is apparently based on the Komagata Maru incident that occurred in Canada.
I was first exposed to Mehta's work when my ex took me to see Fire at the Brattle Theater in Cambridge, MA. I knew that the movie had inspired riots in Indiabecause of the lesbian themes in the movie. It was probably one of the most moving films I had ever seen up until that point. Earth was epic. Completely epic.
After having seen both of those films I anxiously awaited the release of Water, the third in Mehta's trilogy. For the longest time, I thought that I had just missed it somehow... That it was burried on some back shelf at my local video store. According to wikipedia:
Mehta originally intended to direct Water in February, 2000, with a different cast that included Shabana Azmi, Nandita Das and Akshay Kumar. The day before filming was due to begin, the crew was informed that there were complications with gaining location permits. The following day, they learned that 2,000 protesters had stormed the ghats, destroying the main film set, burning and throwing it into the Ganges in protest at the film's criticism of Hindu rites.
In an attempt at compromise, Mehta reluctantly made changes to her script, but to no avail; the Indian government was inclined toward supporting the protesters because the RSS, a strong political party across the country, was attempting to show publicly the strength it had over the local government, and used Mehta as an example.
Mehta eventually gave up on making the film in India and shot the film secretly with a different cast in Sri Lanka, under the title River Moon in 2003. The film was finally completed and debuted at the Toronto International Film Festival in September 2005.
Links on Mehta:
Posted at 12:57 pm by raminta
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Posted at 01:37 pm by raminta
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
I heard this song on the radio this morning
I lost myself on a cool damp night
I Gave myself in that misty light
Was hypnotized by a strange delight
Under a lilac tree
I made wine from the lilac tree
Put my heart in its recipe
It makes me see what I want to see
and be what I want to be
?When? (But) I think more than I want to think
Do things I never should do
I drink much more that I ought to drink
Because (it) brings me back ?you? (in)...
Lilac wine is sweet and heady, like my love
Lilac wine, I feel unsteady, like my love
Listen to me... I cannot see clearly
Isn't that she coming to me nearly here?
Lilac wine is sweet and heady where's my love?
Lilac wine, I feel unsteady, where's my love?
Listen to me, why is everything so hazy?
Isn't that she, or am I just going crazy, dear?
Lilac Wine, I feel unready for my love,
feel unready for my love.
Posted at 09:47 am by raminta
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
s. lost her job today. fucking fabulous. this woman needs a break. anyone have one? seriously she could us it.
Posted at 02:41 pm by raminta
Thursday, December 08, 2005
More crap than you can shake a stick at
and you'll find some kickass paper craft. I think I omitted some links, but oh well... who cares...
Posted at 11:32 am by raminta
Monday, November 28, 2005
You'd think with me having nothing to do at work all day, I'd be posting up a storm... um no....
Well... I'm supposed to be working right now actually... I have a part part time job working for this woman. I hang pictures, move furniture and chat. We mostly chat and I get paid well to do it. I'm not complaining... She's just a tad flakey... Even more so than myself. Which is just truly hard to believe... I guess I could be working on that financial aid application for SMCC...
The cat's are crazy and I swear one of them just farted.
Posted at 07:03 pm by raminta